ANTI-MAGNETIC ARCHETYPE #9
THE PERFECTIONIST
"If it's anything less than perfect, I've failed"
Believing that the more perfect you are, the more worthy you are of success, you see any mistake—regardless of size—as a sign of failure. Nothing scares you more than criticism from the outside world, so you become hyper self-critical and use 'not being ready yet' as an excuse to avoid sharing your work with the world indefinitely.
...it's likely The PERFECTIONIST has a lot of "pull" right now, and is costing in more ways than you may realise.
→ Scared of hitting publish on anything until every single detail is perfect
→ Waiting for people to realize that you're actually a hot mess behind the polished exterior
→ Criticizing your work & wishing you could delete it within minutes of hitting publish
→ Hyper-fixating on that ONE negative comment/feedback & ignoring all the positive
→ Scared of hitting publish on anything until every single detail is perfect
→ Waiting for people to realize you're actually a hot mess behind a polished exterior
→ Criticizing your work & wishing you could delete it within minutes of hitting publish
→ Hyper-fixating on that ONE negative comment/feedback & ignoring all the positive
IF You'RE:
Signs The PERFECTIONIST is running the show
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
A life spent working so hard to try and get it right, to execute everything flawlessly, to look the part, to never have a hair out of place, that you never get to breathe and enjoy the present moment. Avoiding anything that puts you back in beginner mode. And avoiding anything that could ruin your track record. Basically avoiding the inevitable messiness of life which means missing out on the magic that happens spontaneously, when things go wrong, or when you're doing something not caring about the outcome.
Never making your dreams a manifest reality
THE COST TO YOUR BEING
Leadership will either make or break the perfectionist in you, because as long as other people are involved, you have to completely give up the idea of control or anything that resembles perfection! As long as you are gripped with fear about getting it wrong, looking unprofessional, or not meeting expectations, you're going to struggle to do meaningful work as a leader, because the only way you'll make progress is by taking messy action, experimenting (strategically, of course!) and occasionally regularly falling short of your own (and others) expectations.
Missing your chance to make a real impact
THE COST TO YOUR LEADERSHIP
You likely have a challenging time with social media because you struggle with the shadow of The Poser (needing things to look perfect) AND The Planner (needing things to be strategically perfect). Which means you can spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over your strategy... and just as long fiddling with graphics in Canva. And the real tragedy here is that you never get to share enough to actually find YOUR way of doing things, let alone attract a steady stream of new community members who could benefit from your brilliance.
Too much polishing & not enough publishing
THE COST TO YOUR BRAND
The biggest risk to your business is that it never gets off the ground because you create an unreachable goal for yourself of what it should look like before you launch (or pivot, or share that offer that's oh so close to your heart) and decide you'd rather stay hidden than risk it not meeting your own expectations and therefore crushing you with disappointment. The cost can be much sneakier too, however -- from over-spending on branding so things look perfect, to under-charging because the program isn't yet "perfect".
Never getting beyond the vision in your head
THE COST TO YOUR BUSINESS
(NOT SO)
THE HIDDEN COSTS OF OPERATING FROM THIS ARCHETYPE
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS
THE PERFECTIONIST'S MAGNETIC POTENTIAL
The Perfectionist's patterns are simply the unhealthy expression of the natural strengths you were born with. And once we become conscious of them, they can be transformed into a higher expression that puts an end to the "self-sabotage" (in quotations because this is actually just a form of self-protection) and becomes a part of your toolkit for success.
THE GIFTS HIDING IN THE SHADOW OF THE PERFECTIONIST
When we strip it back to basics, what we have here is a beautiful desire to share good work with the world. And as long as your motivation is in the right place, this can never be a bad thing! With this gift, you are the kind of person who over delivers, who goes above and beyond, and gives your clients / customers / collaborators / etc a mind-blowing experience. Something that - despite what you might believe - is far too rare in this day and age. So own this wonderful gift, but keep it in check. Remember the real point of all of this: it's not about looking good or proving your competend... it's about being of service. And that is possible even if your website is being held together with sticky tape!
SACRED GIFT
INTEGRITY
EXCELLENCE
STRENGTH
JUDGEMENT
SHADOW
YOUR ALCHEMICAL MAP
We fall into the shadow when we're operating from fear and doubt, but it's just the other side of the coin to the strength, which we already have within us. The real magic though? It's in accessing the sacred gift, which we earn with time and through alchemising these shadow patterns.
The outward expression of all you are, this is what most think of as personal branding, as it's about how you choose to position and package yourself in the outside world, from what you wear to how your website is designed.
Harder to measure, but easy for others to sense, this is your energy, your vitality, that spark people feel when you walk into a room (or the dark cloud, depending on your mood). This energy gets poured into all of our interactions AND our creations, so it's essential to your magnetism.
How you're showing up in the world. The actions you're taking (or not) the habits you've adopted (whether they're helpful or not) and the way you express yourself. Our actions can change our reality including how we feel, so it's next in line.
Your belief systems and the stories you hold about everything -- from yourself and your own potential, to other people, to how the world works. Our thoughts manifest as reality, so until our beliefs align with our desires, we'll struggle.
Your literal foundations: who you are, how you were built, the state of your nervous system, and the way you naturally see and experience the world. If we don't understand these things or let them get out of whack, everything else falls apart!
FROM PERFECTIONIST TO Excellence Enforcer
Magnetism isn't some switch you flick on. It's created from 5 different sources that are all essential parts of you. And since one impacts the next, you can think of this as your "Magnetic Hierarchy of Needs". I'll quickly explain what they are before diving into tailored recommendations for each of these areas specific to The Perfectionist.
To heal the pattern of The PERFECTIONIST and step into its highest expression as The EXCELLENCE ENFORCER, we must work from the Inside Out.
CROSSING THE THRESHOLD
YOUR MAGNETIC MAKEUP
YOUR MAGNETIC MYTHOLOGY
YOUR MAGNETIC M.O.
YOUR MATERIAL MAGNETISM
YOUR MAGNETIC MOXIE
SO NOW YOU KNOW THE LINGO, LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO GO FROM PERFECTIONIST MODE TO EXCELLENCE ENFORCER ENERGY!
Magnetic Makeup
But you're not that vulnerable kid/teen anymore. And it's time to learn that you are safe to be imperfect -- which takes time... but you can begin with baby steps. Like leaving a blooper in your video. Or when you notice a typo in your email or post, taking a moment to breathe, and note that the world isn't ending.
LAYER ONE:
Magnetic Mythology
Perfectionists often need to go through a deconditioning process to learn that it's their being, not their doing that make them valuable.
You can start by asking your closest friends why they value your friendship. And if you're brave, ask your clients why they enjoy working with you. You may notice a theme: it's often to do with how you make people feel.
LAYER TWO:
Magnetic M.O.
Basically ask "What's the absolute minimum I need to have in place for what I'm doing to be of value to others?" and then create powerful external accountability by publicly offering it before it's actually ready so you don't spend months tweaking it only to psyche yourself out.
PS I launched Mythic Journey using Minimum Viable Magnetism and it worked a treat!
LAYER THREE:
Magnetic Moxie
And yet does seeing them make a mistake, publish a typo or have lipstick on their teeth turn you off them? If so, some shadow work is needed! But if not, here's my point: What makes someone's magnetism is their energy, not their perfect execution.
So can you find one way to let your hair out - just a little - next time you share?
LAYER FOUR:
Material Magnetism
Pull out a notebook and write down all of the standards you hold yourself to.
Now circle all the ones that are genuinely ensuring your clients/team/audience are getting what they need... and scratch out any that are just to make YOU feel more confident.
Amazing how what can seem like service is often motivated by our own egos!
LAYER FIVE:
Build Up Your Baseline
Shift Your Story
Align Your Action
Elevate Your Energy
Bridge Your Brilliance
YOUR PERSONAL ROADMAP
While this magnetic hierarchy of needs is universal, what's required to break you out of your own patterns and activate your highest potential is unique. Tap on the orange arrows to view your personal magnetism prescription.
MAGNETIC MAKEUP
There's a good chance that at some point, you learned there were consequences to not being perfect. Not being the highest achiever. Not winning. Not meeting other peoples' expectations. And so you learned to set the bar so high for yourself out of self-protection. But you're not that vulnerable kid/teen anymore. And it's time to learn that you are safe to be imperfect -- which takes time... but you can begin with baby steps. Like leaving a blooper in your video. Or when you notice a typo in your email or post, taking a moment to breathe, and note that the world isn't ending.
BUILD UP YOUR BASELINE
MAGNETIC MYTHOLOGY
Is there a story about how you'll only be loved and accepted if you're a perfect, staight A student? Or a belief that your worthiness and value is directly related to your achievements? Perfectionists often need to go through a deconditioning process to learn that it's their being, not their doing that make them valuable. You can start by asking your closest friends why they value your friendship. And if you're brave, ask your clients why they enjoy working with you. You may notice a theme: it's often to do with how you make people feel.
SHIFT YOUR STORY
MAGNETIC M.O.
As a recovering perfectionist, one of the most powerful approaches I adopted was that of Minimum Viable Magentism to break the habit of needing all the bells & whistles in place before I launched something. Basically ask "What's the absolute minimum I need to have in place for what I'm doing to be of value to others?" and then create powerful external accountability by publicly offering it before it's actually ready so you don't spend months tweaking it only to psyche yourself out. I launched Mythic Journey using MVM -- it worked a treat!
ALIGN YOUR ACTIONS
MAGNETIC MOXIE
Have you ever found yourself drawn to people who seem so carefree their energy almost feels chaotic? There's this power that emanates from them because they're completely unbridled. And yet does seeing them make a mistake, publish a typo or have lipstick on their teeth turn you off them? If so, some shadow work is needed! But if not, here's my point: What makes someone's magnetism is their energy, not their perfect execution. So can you find one way to let your hair out - just a little - next time you share?
ELEVATE YOUR ENERGY
MATERIAL MAGNETISM
High standards aren't a bad thing -- we need them. The problem is when they're unrealistic and/or motivated by ego rather than a desire to be of service. So it's time for you to redefine yours. Pull out a notebook and write down all of the standards you hold yourself to. Now circle all the ones that are genuinely ensuring your clients/team/audience are getting what they need... and scratch out any that are just to make YOU feel more confident. Amazing how what can seem like service is often motivated by our own egos!
